Confession

Mum, dad, friends, family, my national and international acquaintances, I have a confession to make.

My confession may feel like a simple kiss on this fake paper.

My confession may be just words you’re reading to finish.

Yet, my confession may be a mind-blowing truth when you compare it to what I let you see.

Dear all, I’m a poison to my health and a cure for my disease.

You see, I have mood swings and I tend to contradict myself.  When you talk to me, you feel like you’re secretly taking a look at a young girl’s diary, feeling guilty for no actual reason.

Dear no one, here’s the small secret that keeps on playing with my soul’s strings, moving me the way it wants, making choice for me but also, it’s devouring my flesh and brain.

I know what’s going on around me, your glances at the person next to you when I say something stupid, your hidden laugh when I embarrass myself, your glare when I surpass you and also I can hear you cursing behind my back the moment I turn away.

That’s not the problem, for some reason, for an unknown force, I’m finding myself searching for you, wanting to be with you, having fun when you’re having fun, and most of all I feel happy when you’re treating me good.

My confession is, deep in my shadow, deep in my soul, I feel so useless.

I feel like I’m doing it to myself.

I feel like a hypocrite, trying to ignore what you said when in reality I just want to smash you.

I feel weak for needing you when all you’re good at is putting me down.

I’m a vulnerable person, and I just keep on holding things to myself because it feels right but I end up left alone.

People don’t try to understand who I actually am, nor help me understand the dark room inside of my head.

I have a question.

Do you all know who you really are? When someone tells you “Just be yourself… be unique.’’, would you know who to be? Wouldn’t you be scared you won’t be that unique?

I’ve read a book once where the main sociopath character said:”Pain demands to be felt.”

What if the pain is all you’re feeling?

I know there is happiness; in the smile of an old woman or the purring of a cute cat, but that only lasts few minutes before it’ gone.

The thing is, when you sit in a small dark room alone, happiness won’t be the feeling that will be your company.

I don’t want to spread my negativity, but I thought it’s about time someone talks about it.

I’m pretty damn sure I’m not the only one thinking this; many are just unable to put it into words.

Why would I act happy when I’m not if society didn’t impose that to be ‘normal’ and accepted you need to be happy?

I live in a place where a psychologist or therapist exists for ‘insane’ people, but what’s sanity? Who’s a sane person here?

I’m feeling something that’s caused because of an accumulation of feelings, something that happens to many…MANY people.

Hiding it won’t make it disappear.

I didn’t say all this for you to pity or try to help me because I’m already helping myself the way I can.

But, dear family, friends, humans, I have one favour to ask, one line to read, one sentence to understand but a new door to open.

Please, I think it’s about time we give our mental health the attention it needs.

And to finish this, none of you is meant to feel normal, normal is boring and it’s unhappy.

Live, cry, go see a therapist when you feel like you need help.

Feel ugly, feel insecure, feel scared, feel pain.

Feel.

Feel, but believe that feelings never remain the same…

Feel because when you do, when you stop denying it, you will understand that the way things start, they end and the way you feel ugly you will feel beautiful, secure and safe.

Remember, the pain never dies, but it disappears from time to time when we start believing that we deserve.

We deserve MORE.

 

Yours, Emna.

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A Massive Battlefield

Our world has become a massive battlefield. We got too complicated and too ignorant. Our hearts bled till they died and we started crying blood till we became bloodless… everything inside of us has become a ‘less’.

We started believing lies, assuming the worst, judging things we don’t know and acting like fools.

But aren’t we?

We let some filthy politicians steal our lands, acting like victims and we just clapped for them. We gave them control, power, just because of words they said to fool us.

But again, aren’t we fools?

They created ISIS, some barbarians who don’t even have houses to live in but somehow managed to get bombs and weapons. And they called themselves Muslims.

The problem isn’t there, the problem remains where some ignorant people started believing them and blaming a religion of peace just because other people decided the religion’s name fits their needs, I wonder what would happen if they named themselves John Cena squad. After all, that name does fit them, because somehow, with all the advanced technology, we never managed to find them, even with their members getting larger.

I personally want to send a thank you message to all the media, not some, but all of them.

And obviously, if you didn’t catch that, I was being sarcastic.

You are liars.

Nothing will change that fact. However people believe you, thank you for lying about something I know its truth because that’s when I stopped listening to you.

America invaded Iraq because of their rich land, and smart people. They burnt their books, stole their petrol, and then somehow after that ISIS existed. That’s when they found a reason to kill thousands of people, children, women, old men, sick persons in the name of “Bombing the terrorists hiding places.

Somehow, all the sent bombs always go directly to villages where people are hiding from war.

And of course, you blamed Muslims.

Tell me; are you people fighting terrorism or Islam?

The problem got bigger and the media made it worse. People start pointing fingers at us, the Muslims, and with the appearance of the terrorist attacks, as an innocent girl who lives a usual life, I got blamed for things criminals did, some people who will NEVER represent Muslims, NEVER represent me.

I tried explaining, but it was like talking to a wall, once they have nothing to say, they start insulting me and searching for imperfections in my words, if not searching for a double meaning. But you know what most of them said?

They say «They’re Muslims so this must be something your religion teaches. And if they are Muslims and they’re acting that way, then you’re like them. The children who get killed were going to grow up to be terrorists.»

You know, before I answer you all once for all, I want to tell you something, you do realize it hurts to be compared to such cruel monsters, right? if you give an absolute 1st impression about someone you don’t even know their favourite colour, it is just nasty.

When I was young I always dreamt of visiting other countries, meeting new people and learning new cultures. I thought that people understood and that they can’t judge nations by judging few disowned members. I thought they know people are different. And most of all… I thought that as humans, as being the ones who shouted to have equality and mutual respect between everyone, I thought they’d know that every single one of us carries a heavyweight of flaws and drawbacks.

I just thought that they will understand that people aren’t perfect.

But I was so wrong. Now, I’m afraid because I’m different. I’m a Muslim and I can be abused or killed because of that.

But oh wait, you won’t call the criminal a terrorist then, you’ll say they’re a mentally unstable person (Yeah and the terrorist is totally mentally okay.) and you’ll just name him a killer.

When your kid gets severely bullied, you don’t call that terrorism.

When your kid goes to school and shoots their school friends, you don’t call that terrorism (unless the kid is a Muslim.)

When you still treat black people as if you’re better than them, you never called that terrorism. You even avoid talking about the unfair cases where cops shot black teens and adults, just because they felt ‘threatened’.

When you find your city full of gangs and serial killers, you don’t call that terrorism.

Why?

Because it comes from you, because you misunderstood the meaning of terrorism, because you thought that terrorism only hit you from US (not the United States, because that’s a bit true.), that we don’t suffer from it like you do, that if it was in Arabs countries, it’s worth it because like the lie says ‘we’re all terrorists, we’re just killing each other ‘.

When each day in Syria, Palestine, Iraq, Yaman, Burma… etc thousands die, you don’t write #prayfor…, no you only write that when twelve of you die. I’m not saying those 12 lives don’t matter (I know you love twisting my words.) what I’m saying is ALL lives matter.For that, defend them all.

The attack that happened in London and the Muslim girl in America (2017), many of you said « it’s a revenge. » and many said worst. Some of you got to the new level of funny ignorance and said «That’s how we can stop terrorism. »

One question, how does killing someone who lives peacefully and has a family to feed will stop terrorism, or how will hitting a girl to death just because she’s a Muslim will stop terrorism?

That’s an attempt to stop Islam. (You’ll never succeed.)

AND THAT’S TERRORISM.

You’ll still deny it, but that also is called Islamophobia.

If you say that Islam promotes violence, did you read and get informed?

If a bunch of Christians commit a crime, will you blame the religion?

In Islam, in wars, it’s totally forbidden to hurt innocent, women, children, old people, sick ones, plants and animals.

IN WARS.

So how can Islam promote violence on a daily basis?

In Islam, if you kill a person, despite their beliefs, it’s like you’ve killed a whole nation. And if you saved a soul, it’s like you saved a whole nation.

See how little you know about the real religion? And how big you thought you knew just according to some crazy/paid people who claim to be something they’re not… but still got you all and made you believe them.

Don’t take a sentence from Quran that has a lot before it and a lot behind it, and a deep background and tell me to look here’s an example.

A dark sky replaced the sunny day and the black became the new controller. I wished I didn’t dream so big before I grow up.

When I was young, I thought that growing up and facing the world as who I am would be exciting. I built an image in my mind about this happy, cheerful future where everyone will be caring and loving.

But now… I’m numb.

As a Muslim and an Arab girl who lives in an Arab country, I didn’t find anything but broken glasses reflecting an obscure thought of a dark unknown and pessimist judgment.

I was and I am judged for my beliefs, race and simple dreams.

So how can anyone say it’s cancer and it should be removed and deleted?

You know nothing.

I wonder who to blame if someone decided to yell “To Narnia!” before killing.

I wonder if you blamed Christianity when a christen kills, or when KKK practice their hobbies or even when gangs with Christen members kill and steal.

I’m just wondering…

It hurts. It hurts like hell to see people judging us and our religion with so much ignorance.

We are drowning in sorrow. People are testing our limits with insulting us on a daily routine.

Islam is perfect. It’s a religion, it’s meant to contain everything and to be understood correctly.

But…

None of us is… none of us is perfect.

We’re so imperfect.

We have emotions; sadness, depression, happiness and anger.

People may react differently to the pressure and the hatred they’re facing… Some of us can just drink from their own burnt blood and others can react, violently. And when they do, all of you will start shouting the Look! Here’s an example of Islam. It’s all about violence. They should all die… extent.

Put yourselves in our positions, imagine yourself hearing people from all around the world insulting something they don’t even know about you and everything related to you and comparing you to some monsters who kill with the name of something they don’t belong to.

Tell me if you’re strong enough to handle that for years.

You’ll either end up believing you’re as bad as they say, or you’ll fight and end up hated for the rest of your life for being you.

A lot had said before that what’s happening in Syria, Palestine, Iraq… is normal and they’re used to it… used to seeing kids die and blood everywhere… used to it until 1% of it happens it their countries. Then they won’t say it’s normal.

Because they’re not used to that.

What about all lives matter? Just words…? Or does the word lives only refers to a group of people?

You’re used to your country helping to remove the terrorists (when no one asked for help) and promoting the idea of terrorism=Islam. Other than that, 80% of the bombs are thrown at peaceful villages where children and women are hidden.

Iraq, it didn’t start because of the terrorism. It started because if the petrol… but the rest followed.

Palestine, they stole the land and named it Israel. It didn’t change its name. And actually, there’s still a war in Palestine and children are still dying daily.

I’ve seen them on TV. I’ve seen parents holding their kids’ lifeless bodies between their hands, crying, surrounded by a fallen home. I’ve also seen them trying to comfort their hungry, starving children.

I’ve also seen kids standing in front of armoured cars, throwing stones at it. They knew that it’s worthless but they were just trying to protect their country. They wanted a free country, no war.

Girls dreamt of having dolls to play with, but instead, they were hugging their parents’ bodies… or what was left.

Boys dream of playing football in the neighbourhood, but there was no neighbourhood anymore.

Schools were exploded. Schools full of young, innocents kids.

Kids who were so excited about going to school and learning but their dreams were finished before even starting.

A then, someone whose name shall never be named decided it’s time to Jerusalem to become the capital of Israel?
How can you make Jerusalem a capital for something that doesn’t exist? I know what most will say.
“What’s Palestine?”
“Are you living under a rock? it’s been Israel for ages.”

I can’t blame people who only have two TV news-channels that can control the news that they want to hide or show.

But I blame them when they act like they know everything.

Tell me, if someone came to your country, claiming it was his, 3000 years ago, and you turn to find the other countries that are supposed to be your supporter, your other family, turn its back to you, selling your own country, will you accept your fate?

No.

Even after hundred years, you’ll think it’s worth it to fight for your country.

Don’t give me the “There are peaceful people living in Isreal.”
THERE WERE PEACEFUL PEOPLE LIVING IN PALESTINE, no?

Go watch the interview with Israliens where they said: “We should kill Arabs, they stole our land, they should vanish, get out of ‘our’ land.

Related VIDEO

What’s the point of being one of the most democratic and advanced countries if the people’s minds are narrow, racist, violent and sometimes 404NotFound?

I’m not hating on jews, or their religion, I’m telling what I’ve seen, not from the Jewish people, but from what you call “Israliens.”

Jerusalem will always be the capital of Palestine, and no one has the right to claim it.

I’m sorry that Arabs sold one of their lands years ago, I’m sorry that we didn’t fight for it and I’m sorry for all children, women, men, trees and animals that died there.

Images will never be erased from my mind, and peace will never come upon my soul. I know it’s bad; to let hatred control you, but it’s nearly impossible to control it. Since some people decided to name someplace in Palestine Israel, the war came blowing people away from their homes, from children who were left homeless, orphans and handicap to pregnant women being tortured to death. The one who died with full dignity is the one who had his body pieces attached.

They talked about freedom, about peace and love, yet they didn’t give the Palestinians a chance to experience it since they took their lives away from them before they can gasp for air. It’s like a perfect image being shattered under an unpleasant symphony of war machines and gunshots, screams and cries.
I can’t say anything but I’m sorry, our ‘leaders’ are cowards, our tongues are tied and our hope to be united was long gone when we decided money is more important than our sisters and brothers.

I won’t say none of us cares, some may do, but others don’t.

I’m sorry, after seeing what happened to you, how it came to the moment some people don’t know what Palestine is, when we reached the point people believe you’re the criminal, I can only say I’m sorry. When people are now saying that they would not give a damn just because it’s not touching them directly, I can say nothing. Blood, tears, broken bones and souls, that’s the new history that will be told about Palestine. If only people understood that in order to fix that, it needs more than few pictures that will be posted and forgotten, change starts from within, we lost courage ages go, we let ourselves be a shadow that they can give up on once they reach the darkness they want.

Imagine, just imagine yourself being kicked out of your country, even though I know many of you have lost their patriotism.

Imagine your closed ones getting smashed under what’s left of what you used to call home. Imagine if you can never meet your best buddies, have fun, play football in the neighbourhood or just the usual small talk.

Imagine yourself sleeping with one eye open because some ‘peaceful’ people who want to settle in your country thought about doing a full extermination before they settle in.

I know that for now, I can’t do anything but talking, but the least I can do is hoping that none of us forgets that Palestine will always be Palestine, and Jerusalem will always be its capital. We’re not discussing religion or races, we’re discussing the right to own your land, the right to not be kicked off of your country or to sell and buy other countries. We’re discussing the fact that outside countries who are making these stupid new terms and laws, should mind their own business and stop acting as if they are the mother of this world.

Dear trump, I know you won’t read this, but you need to know, you’re the president of the USA and not the president of the world. If you want to make Israel exist, give it one of the states, you have enough states, and one of them can be the capital of the fandom named Israel.
Other than that, we need to change.
We need some education.

We need to stop mirroring who we hate and stop judging the book by its cover.

We just need to stop.

We’re all tired so let’s take a deep breath and focus.

The first step is to stop misjudging and racism.

Stop accusing religions of some actions that have nothing to do with it.

Stop hating people because they’re Muslims or Arabs.

Muslims are humans like all of you. (If you still are.)

So, Black white, Muslim, Christian, Juif, poor, rich, blond, blind, paralyzed.. etc We’re all humans and we just need to love each other. Because we won’t survive if we lived separated.

 

Please remember that this is a personal blog, it’s not an online opened battlefield.

Also, remember I’m not attacking people, I’m attacking mentalities and the way of thinking.

Don’t forget my words are 99% to the governments and people that HAVE the power to change things without creating a mess.

THANK YOU. 🙂

We Need Real Law

My French teacher recently said, because of our module subject, that in her point of view a writer has to always be a “committed writer“ as if it was their second definition. She said: “What’s the point of having the talent and not use it to speak for your people.” Even though I’m not an official writer, her words hit me home. I do write for people, but not always. There’re few things I avoided writing about because nothing really pushed me to, after all I was usually ignored and my words almost have no impact, but today I had to speak about it because I’ll be answering some who responded to a previous tweet I wrote, and this takes me to the subject.

We all know that as hard it is to reveal some truths, it’ll always be easy to act dumb and ignore them because to believe in a truth, you have to commit to the consequences. The same thing is happening now whenever Kashogji, Yemen, those in Saudi Arabia’s jails getting tortured, the non-ending massacre in Palestine and many other cases are represented to the public; people decide not to believe them or maybe act dumb and ignorant.

I realize that some will say “What do you understand? You’re just a kid. This is not for you to talk about. This is not your call.” It’s not? Who cares how old I am or how mature I am to talk about these subjects if I know I’ll be avoiding to speak ignorantly, like many do.

It is our duty to speak, to say that truth should never hide for the sake of a bigger catastrophe upcoming.

What pushed me to talk about this precisely was the arrival of the prince of Saudi Arabia to Tunisia on the 27 Nov 2018, or maybe I should call him the ‘potential’ murderer of Kashogji, one, ONE of many who were killed but we’ve only been told they just disappeared after opposing to the Saudi Arabia’s rulers or criticizing some of the choices they may have chosen.  I mean yeah I think you can blame them for acting as if they were in a democratic country, they’re not.

Yesterday, there was a hashtag trending in Twitter in Arabic, its translation in English is “#Tunisia_Welcomes_MBS” I was confused at first because I was certain we didn’t welcome him. In fact, we protested against his arrival since it doesn’t make sense to accept on our land a murderer who believes in everything we did a revolution against.  I went in to see what people wrote and found out that none of the tweets was written by a Tunisian and everyone was happy that their heir came to Tunisia and assumes we welcomed him even though the only ones who did were the politicians that are as guilty and corrupted as he is, the others were also protesting.

I wanted to clear things out, so I wrote “Let me explain, we don’t care why he came to Tunisia. Maybe an honest true Saudi is welcomed, but not him, or anyone trying to cover up for his crimes. Yemen, Kashurgi, All people arrested and tortured in jails. We DON’T welcome who causes that.”

Some commented that we did welcome him and I clearly clarified that we didn’t, it’ll be simple to check the news to be sure. Another wrote “Why don’t you attack #Turkey for killing the #Kurds or #Armenians in their country and abroad? What about the #Houthis who force children to become child soldiers. What about #Iran & #Qatar trying to destabilize the #MENA region and fund terrorists such as #Hezboallah & #ISIS.” I just want to answer this without the tweet character limits this time. This comment was funny for many reasons. First of all, who said that I didn’t speak (not attack) about these subjects? It’s like as if someone was talking about helping  kids in poor country and the need to give them hope and then someone comes ask you “So then if you believe that, why aren’t you wearing Hijab?” This kind of answers/questions only refer that the person either way has no argument and they’re totally ignorant about the subject they’re talking about or they want to distract you from the real subject. Either way, normal educated people discuss a subject and argue in the limits of that problem to solve it, not start throwing random questions out of subject for whatever reason. When I talk about the involvement of MBS in the murder of a journalist and the Saudi Arabia’s government’s corruption that especially is shown in the way they treated people in Yemen and their own people in jails, it makes no sense for you to come and speak about Iran or Turkey, using hashtags to gain views and blaming other countries for something that’s unrelated to my tweet. It’s like you’re saying what he did is excusable since other also fucked up. After all, if I happened to talk about only one corrupted system and you felt bad about how I only spoke about it, why don’t you speak about the others? Also at least I did something, right? Unlike those who just keep pointing problems randomly, I expressed my opinion on the current specific event that even the hashtag was made for, like a normal free citizen who has the freedom of speaking out. If I point out the reasons why the hashtag is fake and not reflecting the truth, you’re supposed to comment about the same subject.

I told him that I speak for many unfair subjects and in the way I’ll never accept the massacre happening in Palestine, I’ll never accept what MBS did, let alone welcoming him in my country. And in all honesty, what he answered was a bit shocking.

This may seem like a story or gossip about this person’s comments, but he’s only an example that now exists a lot in our countries. I’m just pointing them out and answering once for all.

The rest of the conversation went like: “Palestine is a living joke. The majority of these so called “Palestinians” live outside their supposed homeland screwing shit up. Jordan 1970, Lebanon 1975. And do you have proof that MBS committed these “war crimes” in Yemen? Check the Iranian regime instead.”

“Yeah better throw everything at Iran nah? There are many evidences clear af, you forgot the jail and torture part, but we can all play dumb and act like we know nothing. As for Palestine, I fight for the cause, not for those away, as if they had a choice to stay, I mean die”

“Waste of time the #Palestinian cause. All they do is cause trouble in other countries and blame the Gulf Arabs for their mistakes. I personally don’t care about #Palestine anymore. If they want to “free” their “homeland” let them do it themselves. Good Night”

Let’s be fair, there’s so much wrong in what’s above. To begin with, I need to point out that this person still insisted to focus on other details that are currently irrelevant but I just happened to use some as an example. The Palestine case is a big story itself. I do not agree that it should be discussed along with another case because that’s unfair. Again, it’s too easy to turn our backs when something becomes too complicated and then start assuming and making up stories as we want.

Earlier, he threw the blame on somewhere where they force children to become ‘child soldiers’ as he said, isn’t the same happening in Palestine? Kids facing armors with rocks until they die or their hearts harden. After all, even though what they do is useless against these war machines, they’re called terrorists. Also, in Palestine, schools and homes were bombed and, can you blame a family who has enough money to flight away if it wants to save their kids? I don’t really care what they do abroad, but don’t talk as if it was an easy task for everyone to just leave their countries. There are all categories of people everywhere. Some left by their own will to start a new life, some to survive, some no longer have homes to go back to, some are called refugees and not just immigrants, know the difference.

As for the case, it’s not about these people only, it’s about those who are cruelly still dying there, and the land that was sold by the Gulf and generally are Arabs you said they’re bothering them. I don’t wish that upon anyone, but I don’t think you’d like to live where your kids are killed, tortured, smashed and then no one speaks about them loud enough, not even their own people, not even us.

Words are too easy to be said, too easy that you can say them in your mind without even bothering to say them aloud. It’s too easy to speak about what you didn’t experience, but in that case, when you feel you’ll talk hurtfully or ignorantly, shut up and I don’t mean it like an insult. Stay quiet, and gain knowledge and enough empathy to start talking.

Now back to the main subject, as for the second part of your reply, seriously? Again, using the same boring over mushed tactic. It’s AGAIN like someone talking about how millions died in WW2 and someone yells that in WW1 a lot died, when the subject all revolves in WW2 only. Stop pointing our different things that won’t strengthen your arguments.

As for the 3rd part, can you stop pointing out at Iran every time KSA fucks up? It no longer works, it doesn’t distract people. The relationship with Iran is something, and the dictator regime of Saudi Arabia’s something else.

It’s time to dryly point out that Saudi Arabia regime, heir and all people involved should pay for their crimes. We’d be bulls#itting each other if we ask what crimes.

For ages, all people who try to send an unwanted awareness into the people, they’d either mysteriously disappear, die, or just openly put them in jail  for life only to be tortured in the most horrible ways ‘till they die inside then their bodies follow.

I don’t understand where are the Human organizations when it comes to all unhuman things Saudi Arabia has been practicing for ages. The most public, horrible one is when they started war ‘indirectly’ in Yemen. And come on, asking for evidence when they’re openly involved in the entrance of weapons is stupid.

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/10/26/world/middleeast/saudi-arabia-war-yemen.html

“People think famine is just a lack of food,” said Alex de Waal, author of “Mass Starvation” which analyzes recent man-made famines. “But in Yemen it’s about a war on the economy.”

In all honesty, when you’re a rich country and another country is having millions on the edge of death because of starvation, not helping is already a crime, let alone cutting off food and trade routes.

And yet some ignorant people decide to speak about how amazing the prince is, just because they’re not directly harmed, because little did they know that this massacre will affect every human one day because knowing that when you’re hungry and your kid is dying and the chance of getting help is lower than 2%, it basically means you’re living alone and you can’t trust anyone, and we’ll grow even more distant and refuse to care and share until we all run out of everything.

That’s what we encourage by letting someone like MBS without REAL law involvement, not the law he can pay with few dollars, or Trump who gets in his side whenever some lie about how innocent he is comes out (then leave his side again once he’s a suspect again), or most of the leaders who don’t look at the blood of Kashogji and others run down their feet because they’re too busy looking at the money they’ll never get without ruining our countries even more. WE NEED REAL LAW.

It’s depressing how immune we’ve become, even a dying starving baby won’t move us. Not only that, but we keep praising the ones who caused it.

Evil, devils and thorns, that’s what are we accepting.

 

Yamen, Our Human Tragedy

Today, I’m not criticizing my society or a certain person, I’m here to talk about how funny we’ve become.

A bunch of clowns walking the streets each day. Instead of making people laugh, we are laughing at others. We started making fun of everything, shit-talking about all subjects, giving ourselves the right to demolish anything we don’t accept. We got everything we want, but we don’t care if others don’t even have what they need.

We ignore everyone who can no longer fit in to our expectation. Powerful people choose war and we choose to bow and nod.

Caring about a disaster you’ve given all you can to make it happen is nearly impossible, but faking your feelings about it to look like a good nice clown isn’t that hard.

Today, I’m going to talk about what we, as humans ignored and turned our back to until those country leaders who had a big hand in the catastrophe itself, along with other powerful clowns, decided it’s a thing worth noticing.

Yamen.

Adults, teenagers, kids and babies have been starving to death for years. Killed daily with the bombs you helped creating, with diseases you didn’t help curing, with the lack of food you’re throwing in trash.

One picture of a child there shown in a non-Arab news and it is suddenly something that matters. Pictures were filling all social Medias for a long time, but you just decided to swipe down because you couldn’t bare the horrible image it was showing, too much for your poor heart, but who cares about those who are actually living through that pain? No one, unless you got the permission to care.

Amal Hussain, one of thousands of children who are in Yamen in that state or worse.

It may look shocking to you. You can close your eyes, but if you’re human, it won’t stop the pain from spreading through your bones.

We promise our kids a good future where they find their own happiness and stability. In Yamen, they promise their kids a good ending, a good afterlife after all the suffering.

Here, the wealthy of you would rather buy the new car to add it to their collection of unused fancy cars, or maybe would rather buy a portrait with billions of dollars than to help those starving even for an uncooked rotten potato.

The smart of you would rather go help build armors and weapons that may be used against their own people one day. After all, it pays more cash.

The ones who can talk and write words that would reach their fellow humans would rather listen silently to the news and feel sorry for them than to actually step up and write something.

For them, it’s not a human matter, it’s a politic thing and they’d rather stay u of it.

Clowns are either way scary and terrifying or stupid and funny.

Isn’t it time for us to go wash our faces and go back to being humans?

Why is it nearly impossible for us now to care about something when it’s not internationally trending? We’d like to speak about freedom and solidarity when in fact we’re imprisoned and egoistic.

People are fighting for their lives because someone decided they’re not worth existing, that if they develop, it’ll threaten their dictatorial regime.

We worship actresses and singers, but that’s all we do. We like them because they give us a new world; a world where we can sleep at night without thinking how much of a bad humans we are, to just watch others suffer, to be able to waste anything these people would now dream of, for being a part of the reason why people are dying, for faking our freedom.

One picture made the story of Yamen known, but if it’ll be just pictures, nothing will change, we’ll just stay like this; them dying one by one, and us watching our humanity fading with each pure soul leaving this world.

When we look at them, we only see bones covered with a sick tired skin.

When we look at ourselves, we only see a disgusting figure of a creature who gave up on something it still calls for “solidarity”

My mother always tells me when you do something, think of how one day it’ll help this nation.

These words are all I can do right now. Not as a girl, nor as an Arab Muslim, but as a human, to all other humans out there, don’t kill what’s inside of you, don’t let laziness, lack of power, fear or shyness stop you from helping other humans.

This is a human tragedy and I know there are other important things you can help in. Sadly, our world is full of problems and battles to fight for, but help with this. No one deserves to be born to die painfully slowly wishing to be cured, wishing for one last sip of water.

Whether you’re just a teen, an adult, someone who likes to be invisible, an author, an actor, an actress, a singer, an artist, please share this message, in a way or another, help kids in Yamen, help humans and all living creatures there, so one day you won’t carry on your shoulder the weight of a buried country that used to be known for happiness and joy.

#HelpYamen #Yamen

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Cowards

Cowards

That’s what we are.

We looked for excuses for the ones raping our existence.

We bowed to the ones cutting our heads.

We let others think our lives worth less than theirs.

We gave them all they wanted and more.

We became slaves for modernity.

We became servants of who calls themselves gods.

We gave up our dreams to feed theirs.

We became ashamed of being known as Arabs, let alone being known as Muslims.

In less than one thousand years, we managed to go from having our books translated in all languages, to being the only nation lacking the availability of certain books because we couldn’t afford having them and translating them.

We preferred complaining when we talk privately, letting corruption run us over. Yes, we preferred that because we are cowards.

We are afraid of everything, so we decided to live in crap than to make a change.

We complained about pollution, but when we’re eating something in the street we throw the trash on the floor and even when we don’t, we stay silent if we saw someone doing it.

We complained about the school system, but when we protest, it’s mostly to skip class not to actually change something.

We see kids in Yamen starve and die because of other Arabs and foreign countries and all we can do is to say “God help them, poor souls.” Without even meaning it, just out of habit.

They wiped out our history ‘till the day people started thinking Israel is the new name of Palestine and not a land sold by fellow Arabs, killing because of it kids, hitting and raping women, torturing parents, calling kids standing in front of the big metal armor terrorists because even with their shaking legs and bodies they wanted to protect what was left for them and calling the ones inside that armor, the ones who’ll shot the kids and kill them in cold blood in duty.

They called for animal rights when people in some Arab countries now are just born to be killed.

It’s enough to call them ‘terrorist gatherings’ on the news to justify killing them. People will believe it and those who know the truth will keep silent.

Let me make things clear, I can’t hate on anyone, or say the kids who are born in ‘Israel’ thinking that has been their land forever deserve death, I’m not as cruel as many are, but when it comes to fairness, as it was said in a book “there are no rules when it comes to survival.” If in order for the kids who are still getting bombed, tortured and killed to survive, they need their lands back, I’ll fight for them, for their case.

It’s interesting to see how egoistic people are. They vote for a president who promises them a good life. They accept as long as their lives are guaranteed, even if it means stealing the goodies in other countries’ lands, cause a war, provide terrorism with money and power and call off that lands’ obliteration.

It’s funny when these people ask us to be united and help each other when all they will do is help themselves and all we will keep doing is conspiring against each other.

I will never put all the blame on others, because we are the ones who are cowards.

We got to the time where not knowing their ‘history’ is ignorance and knowing ours is an unnecessary information.

Knowing you may get hate for writing such a thing isn’t as bad as knowing you may get killed for writing or saying the same thing when you’re someone who can reach many people.

 

 

Cold

It feels cold at first, like when you’re stepping in the sea.

Then, your body turns numb for a fraction of seconds, like when you jump in an icy sea.

After, the pain comes, spreading in your bones, cracking it, smashing it, without any physical harm, it’s just pain.

Your eyes are closed, as if you were sleeping in your warm bed, but when you open it, you also open up to the ugliness you’ve been hiding from.

You’ll face all the things you have ever wanted but never got, the people you loved but they left you in a way or another, the failures you tried to overcome, the voice in your head that you turned off a while ago, the ugly sides of you, the ugly sides of others, the cruelty in this world, the cruelty within you.

You exhale a breath you didn’t know you were holding, but you wished you never did because the moment you breathed out, you mouth started spitting venom.

You freak out, knowing how dangerous you are to others, how ugly your insides are, how shattered the image you once had of yourself is. You wish you kept dreaming, to relive an illusion that for a while seemed to be your reality.

You cry. It’s not what you wanted, you dreamt of a happy life. You wished to be enough; a good person who is proud of who they are, a human who is actually making good changes to the world, but you’re now facing a broken image.

The image in front of you isn’t pretty. It’s a broken dirty mirror reflecting the person standing in front of it.

You reach it with your hand to wipe it and see clearer, but you hurt yourself.

Now it looks like your eyes are crying blood when it’s just the blood of your hands sliding down, reflecting a perfect illusion of how you were feeling.

The blood in your hand stops by itself and the one in the mirror ends up drying.

You close your eyes again, welcoming darkness again.

It feels safer when your eyes are closed, prettier, better… but then you remember what you just saw, the image stuck in your mind.

You’re pissed off. The dirty mirror ruined the beautiful image of had once before in your mind. So with closed eyes you punch it.

As it falls, you open your eyes again. You’re standing in the middle of nowhere.

You decide it’s time to walk away, don’t know where to and in which way, all you know is that you need to walk.

You realized that in life, you’ll face many mirrors reflecting different sides of you.

It’s up to you whether you want to break it, or keep it or just be stuck facing it and crying your soul out for whatever you’re facing.

please dont forget, if you can help me even by sharing the link or donating do it, I’m really grateful for the help I’m getting so far, violin has a huge effect on my mental health. Thank you.

My GoFundMe violin page: click here.

I love you, stay human ♥

 

 

I wish

I wish my short sentences were reachable to all people but that’s something I can only dream of.

I wish people would finally understand that YES they can save a life and that their own lives will always somehow matter.

Nowadays people commit suicide as much as a flower would bloom in a beautiful spring day. People think that life won’t get better, that pain won’t stop so instead of shutting the pain, they shut their lives and end up missing the beauty of standing up.

We got to live and we forgot that sometimes even the simplest things in our lives are special. Some may think that seeing, hearing, talking, tasting, walking and feeling are things that you normally have, that it’s USUAL, but they forgot that they can easily lose one if not all in one tiny accident, sometimes without an accident.

People fail to notice those who’re fighting for their lives, those who miss a lot and yet have more dreams, but they never fail to notice those who’re giving up, they worship people who submitted to weakness to end up being just like them.

We forgot to be grateful for having a home to sleep in, a family (even if it can be a problem itself) to get our backs, studies to make our lives better, talent to make our lives more interesting and emotions to make of it a beautiful chaos.

Life isn’t a piece of cake. You’re not supposed to be 100% happy and humble. You’ll face difficulties, some will push you to your limits and it’ll make you wonder why you’re still trying. It’ll make you sad and you’ll stop noticing the power you held, you’ll forget the reason why you’re fighting and you’ll start doubting your strength and thinking maybe you’re just not good enough. You look at yourself in the mirror and all that you can think of it how ugly you are and how you’ll never reach the dreams you have.

“Maybe if I hurt myself physically, emotional pain will die.”

“Maybe I do deserve pain.”

Doing that, either with cutting or any kind of self-harm will increase pain. You’ll start thinking you’re actually weak and you couldn’t even keep your body clean. So here comes self-blame.

What’s worse than blaming yourself for something you can’t blame other people about?

And even though it scares you to death, you’d still hope to find someone who’ll notice and care, but in that emotional state, you’ll only notice the bad, negative and painful.

You’ll feel the pain increases over and over till you end up walking every day looking at the ground. You’ll hate looking at people’s faces because, for you, each one of them is judging you, criticising your choices, your weakness.

Maybe that’s the case? Maybe they are judging you, but then it’s just how it goes. You’ll never satisfy people if you can’t satisfy yourself. You’ll never get the love you need if you don’t even love yourself and none of your dreams will come true unless you fight back.

You may talk to someone about it, try to fix it, but if you do not believe it will get better, it’ll never happen even if you lock yourself in the positive room.

You don’t get to face something you can’t handle, trust me.

And don’t think “Why is this only happening to me?” because we’re not meant to have the same experiences, thoughts or actions. Some of us miss wealth, others health… and it goes that way.

Don’t be a ghost standing inside of a burning house, not moving just because you’re not feeling the heat. We both know deep down you’re also burning, and we also know that the place you’re standing in is already gone.

You’re born a fighter, why don’t you keep doing that? Why would you give up when you’re so close to the end line?

You know, it may be unobvious for you now, you may only notice sorrow and pain, but there’s always good somewhere.

After a good thing, a bad thing comes. it also goes in the opposite meaning, after bad things, good things happen. It may be so tiny to be noticed, but it’s worth it. It may be the smile of a child, the grateful look of a homeless old man, the look of love of a mother who just gave birth, the look of hope in a sick person’s eyes. It may be an animal drinking water, a small cat, a funny cloud in the blue wide sky, a delicious food, a good song or even a “sorry”.

Imagine if you ever decided to end your life, but you said: “I’ll do it tomorrow.” And tomorrow when you’re walking back you catch an old lady from falling on the ground, you stop someone from getting hit by a car, you call an ambulance for a bleeding person.

Imagine if you save a soul.

Who knows whom you can save tomorrow? Whom you’ll help?

Life is all about coincidences and fate; you can never know what the greatness that’s waiting for you is. If you don’t even look for it, you’ll miss it, we’ll miss it, but it doesn’t mean it never existed.

Except giving haters something else to gossip about, give them something to hate; your success.

Nothing ever last, it all goes; happiness, sadness, madness, pain, sorrow, excitement, joy and even ourselves. So why would you want to end the pain if it’ll end automatically anyway? Why would you stop living if you didn’t stop dreaming yet?

You’re Real.

You’re here.

You’re breathing.

You exist.

You can feel the cold wind passing by, not through you.

Don’t focus on the crashing walls next to you, focus on yourself.

You’re exhaling air, thinking it’ll the last breath you will let out, but here you are breathing in again, filling your lungs with a new fresh dose.

You’re feeling some pain, you may know the reason behind it or not… but you like to focus on it because it feels real.

That pain starts fading with all its memories, disappearing in the obscure side of your past.

You think it’s the end but you see some light coming from where the pain went. You start walking hesitantly but curiosity took over you.

You expect to find fire and flames but you find a haven-like garden.

You were there, standing, surrounded by the things you love about life, looking happy and calm, finally peaceful and satisfied.

You get confused. Who is that person? It’s not me, that’s not how I’m feeling; I’m not happy.

Then you will find yourself facing that version of you and while you’re frowning, you’ll see a smile, a soft smile.

“You made it so far.” You hear that as you feel the urge to cry as your pain emerges again.

Your voice broke and shattered, you’ll whisper:”Why am I hurting? I want to know what caused this pain.”

You advance and your version takes your hand and squeezes it. “When you find a cut or a wound on your arm, you’re not going to be interested in knowing from where it came, you’d just want to heal it, to fix it.”

“How? How do you look happy? How do I look happy?”

“I have learnt many things as I grew up. I forgave myself, stopped blaming myself.”

“I don’t have any specific reason to blame myself.”

“You don’t need a reason to stop.” You looked so stable, so glad of how life turned to be.

You want that too; you want success and happiness, seeing it on you fits you.

You weren’t the way you were when you were a baby, a kid or a teenager.

It was an accumulation of negativity, you grew used to it.

It became your normal and you started believing you’re just born the way you are, absorber of pain and negative vibes.

It’s not true.

You programmed your brain sets that way because it felt natural as you were surrounded by hate and negativity.

You feel your tears drying on your face and your other version turns its back at you and says calmly:”You program your mind the way you want. You can change for the better, organise your thoughts and ideas.”

You see yourself as you spread your arms open, welcoming the wind that came blowing.

“Life is unexpected.

Be unexpected.

Feel the wind and feel real.

Smile and feel okay.

That’s what you deserve. Give yourself as many chances as life allows you to.

You know your weakness, get to know your strength.”

And that’s when you smile and know it’ll be okay.

 

 

The Hopeless Man

A beginning of a story I never finished.

She was smiling kindly, her hair following the wind’s rhythm in such harmony, followed by her tears that were sliding in her cheeks making her more beautiful.

I wanted to hug her, to make sure she’s okay in my arms, to treat her the way she deserves, but I didn’t move.

I’m a coward.

I watched the girl I love slip out of my hands, I just observed her showing emotions, something she usually doesn’t prefer to do in public, but I didn’t like the emotion she was showing.

“Can you just look at me?” She asked calmly, tears still falling down her cheeks.

The boy didn’t look at her, he was closing his eyes, not daring to look at her. I was beyond mad. How can he ignore her? She’s hurt and she deserves to be protected. 

How can anyone ignore such girl who has a big heart and dreams… before they turn into nightmares to escape. 

“Brian? I know you’re listening to me, just answer me… look at me! Feel me!” She raised her voice, shaking and sobbing.

Her best friend walked towards her and hugged her. “Please don’t do this to yourself. He’s dead.”

I’m dead.

Make A Change

We’re all nerds, overweight and ugly. We all have family problems and social conflicts. We all thought at least for once that there is no hope. We all wished to die at some point but few of us tried to commit suicide. But why? That’s the first thing to talk about before even going to other points. Well actually, this one resume the others.

Sometimes, life can be such a pain in the ass, and I’m sorry for my rudeness. It makes you feel hopeless, worthless, empty and useless. You look at yourself every day in the mirror to see your worst enemy, yourself. You wish that you were someone else or less, you wish that it’s just a dream.

Wake up!

You get out of your mother’s womb after nine months of peace to start a new life. You start learning about what’s right and wrong. You learn that fire and water can never go together so do some people.

Some of us had a beautiful childhood, and others did suffer by getting beaten every day by their fathers whether they were drunk or sober, whether physically or emotionally. Some of us were called  A blessing, others were  The biggest mistake

You go outside to meet the outside world. You get blind at first by the sunshine and you think: it may be a good day or a whole new good life. You start walking and even before seeing those who smile friendly at you without reaching for your life story, you meet those who glare at you like if you were a walking disease.
You start feeling your heartbeats getting louder and louder and you think: Maybe it will get better.. or worse…

You start questioning life and the happy endings but you continue the road which is full of surprises, especially bad ones.
You learn that summer and winter are the opposite even if the sun did exist in both of them. You learn that laughing doesn’t mean happiness. You build yourself to be destroyed in the end, but you just didn’t know it yet.

Some of us became a victim of bullying. They get attacked each day with no pity like if they were robots. They received insults and rumours about them every new minute.
And to make things clear, people who make jokes about others feel empty that’s why they do such things. They don’t know why they’re feeling like that. They feel like if something is getting crashed inside of them. Something is always missing so they try to replace it with those actions without knowing that the history repeats itself. They’re missing their heartbeats. They’re missing two things called dignity and mercy. And without them, you won’t be classified as a human.

For example, there is a woman who wrote in a blog once that when she was in high-school, she was so beautiful, so to be popular, she made a joke of a girl. This girl was sick which made her lose her hair and wear a wig so she laughed at her in front of the whole school and the other one left crying.
When this woman got married and had a girl, her girl got the same disease. She said in the end that she wants to apologize for her actions and she knows how it feels now.

Don’t make a joke of others.

Anyway, when you get older, you’ll lose your sense of humour, everything will become tense and gloom. You’ll see everything in black and white. You’ll feel sad for no reason. You may even cry for bullshit. You’ll try to find someone who understands you, which is the biggest mistake because you’ll end up alone.

Why?

People won’t bother themselves to understand you. Once they see that you’re so f#cked up, they’ll leave you alone cause they’re looking for their best and you simply don’t help them to find it.

You’ll get even older and you’ll have to move to your own house. You’ll stay alone, for a while, or forever, it depends. You’ll look every day at the walls and you’ll feel like if they were the only ones who are speaking. You’ll get lonely and it’ll get harder every day. You’ll force yourself to wake up from the bed and you’ll get to the day where you’ll reach your limits. You won’t care any more. You won’t take care of yourself and you’ll end up getting bored and more empty than ever. At that moment, you’ll try to end up your life. And here came the biggest question.

Why?!?

Playback! Before you became that one who gets bullied every day, become the strongest person. Become a superman/ superwoman. Say it’s childish but I’ll deny it. You know why? Because the fact that you’re standing here after all that happened to you, no matter what means that you’re extraordinary. You’re amazing! Beautiful! Popular! Sexy! Friendly! No matter what… trust me you’re super!

Even if you have a handicap; you’re normal, you’re even stronger than me or them. You’re nice, cool, pretty/handsome, cute and lovely!
Be proud of who you are!

Live to become a better human!

That’s when you need to make the change. Don’t let yourself go down another step.

There is a quote that says :
If you love someone, let them go.
If you hate someone, let them go. 
Basically, let everyone go, people are stupid.

Think about it. Do you need someone to live your life? Humans don’t create air. You can cook your food and buy your own clothes. If your perfect soul mate came to you, good for you, if they didn’t, good for you too. Because honestly, there are so many important things in life than that.

You’ll never be able to live happily with people if you can’t be happy alone.

Even you’re older now, it’s never too late and be sure of that. Nothing is too late. Stand up for your life and stop wasting your time!

And be sure of one thing, nothing is worthy. You won’t go to a better place if you choose to end up your life. You’re here for a reason. Don’t lose your life and yourself because of others… They don’t care if you die, but they will if you lived after all what happened.

Make a change. Start a new life.

And at last, be united, we’re all humans made from blood and flesh with the power of God. We’re all brothers and sisters. Don’t be racist, changes are cool! That what makes us special!

Black white, Muslim, Christian, Juif, poor, rich, blond, blind, paralyzed, straight, homosexual… etc. We’re all humans and we just need to love each other because we won’t survive if we lived separated.

 

So, ehm… I wrote this like years ago when I just writing in English and I can’t be prouder of myself because come on, it’s good for a 16 or 15 years old teenager.
Love yourself♥
Respect others.
Make a change no matter how small it is.

 

To The Definition Of A Dictator

They thought we’re young,

So our voices will never be heard,

But that won’t stop us from yelling for help,

Raise your weapon and power, coward

I’ll lift my pen and my will,

Your smile is toxic and full of greed,

You’re like the seeds of an unwanted plant,

Ruining the beauty of nature, ruining our lives,

But how can I blame you?

You’ve been nothing but cr*p since you showed up, but you didn’t lie,

You said you hate Muslims,

You said you hate homosexuals,

You said you hate immigrants,

You disrespected diversity in all its ways; from colour to gender,

And no one spoke out.

You said it all, you’ve been everything you can; racist, islamophobic, homophobic, xenophobic,

Poor you, full of phobias.

It’s funny how people voted for you,

Others went out in the streets but gave up easily,

Do they think it’s not worth it? Do they not truly care?

They don’t understand…

Can I blame them?

The best part is our governments, presidents and kings. Those who are running/ruining our countries are kissing your feet, licking our armpit, admiring your stinky presence

They’re dancing on the bodies of the dead ones with you,

Giving you all of our lands’ fortune, oil, petrol… (Etc, I mean you know what you’re getting.)

I wonder when you shower; do you use the blood of those you killed or the tears of those who lost someone or some land that belongs to them?

I wonder how many greedy inhuman creatures exist in this world except you, and 99% of the presidents and kings.

God, you love fake power, don’t you?

I wonder how many presidents are like cute poppies, never disobey you even if you rape their lands and wives, if you kill their kids and plants, even if you demolish everything they got.

Power must feel good, for you.

Do you like the idea of ruling earth? Did you grow up saying “Mom, I will grow up and become a president, I will steal lands and lives, I’ll be the devil.”

So, you like the idea of ruling this planet?

I like more the idea of a world where you don’t exist.

Remember who you are, remember that no matter how long you’re going to live and kill, you’ll end up dead, rotten, worms eating then vomiting your disgusting flesh and skin; the flesh you wore, the skin that showed your wrinkles whenever you spoke about how these lives are not important, those you killed with ‘clean’ hands, to sit where you’re sitting now.

But before I go, never forget, as much as you kill, there will always be new ones born.

You’ll have to deal with angry orphans whom you killed their parents for a land that’s called Palestine, for Gaza, the one that will forever be anything but yours or anyone else’s except her people.

The one you killed.

My salutations to the definition of a dictator.

 

Emnabm2.

*The caricature picture belongs to its owner*